Hello and welcome to the debut of my Sold Magazine bi-weekly column: My Column in Yellow!! The purpose of this column is to offer a chance for YOU to ask any question you would like my advice, thoughts, or insights on. Don’t be shy! Readers won’t know who the questions came from and I will handle each one with complete respect and privacy. Contact me via my Google Voicemail, email or snail mail (If you want to be 100% anonymous to even me, snail mail is the way to go). I look forward to hearing from you.
I’ve come to a point in my life where I need to decide if I should hold onto and continue to try to repair a four year relationship that has been falling apart for some time now or pursue my dream, which means I need to move to the city where I have always wanted to live. I’m at a loss as to what to do and I feel like you have words for everything.
My Life In Yellow: Love and Dreams… Why do they always seem to be at war with each other?
Many of us have been through a similar struggle. I certainly have. I reached a point in my life when I thought I had it all figured out. A career, a husband, two awesome cats, a yellow Mini Cooper and a picket fence (the fence wasn’t white but not everyone’s story can be perfect). About four years into this very manufactured life, I found myself silently crying to sleep every night. But why?
I wasn’t living my purpose.
I was married to a great man but my soul was pulling me out the door. Our paths no longer flowed together. I needed New York City but he wanted the quiet life in the suburbs of Pennsylvania. I would have withered away in the silence there while he would have had daily anxiety attacks from the chaos here. I chose to exit the relationship for this and other reasons causing it to fall apart. Looking back 8 years, I know it was the right choice. He is remarried to someone who is able to do all the things I couldn’t, while I am here vandalizing the streets of the city I love. For the first time in my life...I feel whole.
But, every story is different and only you can determine your path. We often lie to ourselves out of fear: fear of disappointing others and fear of making a mistake.
You need to look at this situation with brutal honesty. Sit down and interview yourself with tough questions (some examples are below). Write down or audio record yourself talking through the answers. Do no edit yourself. Sometimes the initial words that come out are ones still laced with fear so keep writing/talking through it.
What does your initial gut instinct tell you?
Is having both the dream and the love impossible? Why?
Do you feel supported by your lover to pursue your dreams? Why?
If your relationship is “falling apart,” why are you still holding onto it?
Are you afraid of being alone?
Are you avoiding the conflict/pain of ending the relationship?
Could you be avoiding a higher level of commitment your lover wants?
Is this love an excuse not to take the risk of failing at your dreams?
As the answers begin to flow, just remember: Acts of love don't always mean staying; and following your dreams doesn’t always mean running away.
Have a question you would like answered by My Life in Yellow? There are multiple ways to submit! Selected questions will be answered on Sold Magazine. Your identity is safe with us and you will remain anonymous.
Leave a Google Voicemail or text: 917-410-1484
Send an email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Send a letter: My Life in Yellow, P.O. Box 1198, New York, NY 10002
My Life in Yellow is not a licensed psychologist or health care professional and the advice within this column does not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals. Before making any decision or taking any action, you should consult a health/medical professional. Do not disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking advice or treatment because of something you have read here.