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Sunday Edition #31: My Column in Yellow

Dear Yellow:

I’ve recently decided to give dating apps a try. Three weeks in and I’ve noticed a common behavior of people I match with. I was curious if everyone experiences something similar. Explain to me why someone would match with you and as soon as you start the conversation they ghost or unmatch you. It just doesn’t make sense!

I can’t say that I’m a dating app master or guru but I’ve used them off and on enough times that I think I have an answer for you. People on dating apps suck. You suck. I suck. Random dude posing next to a drugged tiger sucks.

I’m not saying we as people suck (jury is still out for drugged tiger dude), we only suck when safely tucked away behind the glow of our cell phones superficially swiping left and right without real concern about who people are in real life. It feels more like a video game we play while on the toilet and less like a quest for true love and connection.

Have I unmatched someone in the middle of a conversation? Yes! Did I ever not respond to an initial message after matching? Hell yeah. Has there ever been a time when after matching I immediately cut the cord sending the match back into the abyss of NYC dating. TOTALLY!

Why? Because there isn’t a real human connection keeping me committed and engaged.

Swiping and chatting can get overwhelming. We are all busy. Add in text conversations with random strangers and you are well beyond the limit. People you know in real life come first and those in virtual life come in last. You need to pick your priorities.

Never feel bad about yourself if you are the one left in the dark. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the person who has their finger on the “unmatch” button (unless of course you’ve spoken or acted inappropriately). There are many reasons why this could happen. They missed reading something on your profile initially that isn’t compatible with their lifestyle… pets, smoking, and drug preferences… religion, children, Burning Man...

There have been times when I second guess if I’m emotionally ready to allow someone intimately close to me and will completely bail on everyone. It could even be they met someone right about the same time you matched so they are ending all conversations or removing their profile.

I also think people use dating apps as a way to alleviate momentary boredom and loneliness. It is really just the conversation they crave and never want to take the next step. Or, they are simply addicted to the swipe and seeing what matches they get.

Everyone has their reasons for unmatching. I suggest you look at is as them opting out so you don’t waste your time and are able to move one step closer to finding your permanent match.


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My Life in Yellow is not a licensed psychologist or health care professional and the advice within this column does not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals. Before making any decision or taking any action, you should consult a health/medical professional. Do not disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking advice or treatment because of something you have read here.

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