Dear Yellow: This might sound silly but I had an intense and very real dream the other night that caused me to wake-up with a feeling of anxiety and doubt. I’ve just recently started dating a man that I really like and not too long ago he referred to me as his girlfriend for the first time. In the dream, he sits me down to tell me he doesn’t really want me to be his girlfriend then breaks up with me. I realize it is just a dream but for some reason I can’t shake it. Is it my insecurities or is it my intuition? How do you tell the difference?
This isn’t silly at all! The question of insecurity or intuition is more common than you might think. It is important to take a pause and look deeper into each of them.
Insecurities many times come from past pain that we project into the present. Feeling unsure makes us see things in a clouded way. We start looking for information to validate the insecurity as though we want to be proven right. It can result in lashing out or being passive aggressive with our partner.
Intuition on the other hand is a feeling we get that is backed up by reality. It evokes clarity. It is present mind thinking and feeling. We don’t need to fight or argue… we just know. It is an internal realization that results in an inner dialog with yourself.
The main difference between insecurity and intuition is fear.
Insecurity is poison. If it gets into a relationship, it can and will kill it. We act differently when we are insecure. We hold on tighter and want answers to all the unknowns in the relationship. Your relationship is new so having unknowns is expected. Don’t try to fill in the blanks, just accept there will be blanks until it develops deeper.
I don’t know the details of your relationship so I can’t give you a definite answer on which is at play here. Only you can sort that out. But don’t forget that all relationships are a risk. No one can predict 100% if one will last or not. We put our hearts out there anyway because we all want to love and be loved. Don’t be afraid. Opening up to the possibility of Love is worth it even if it hurts sometimes.
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My Life in Yellow is not a licensed psychologist or health care professional and the advice within this column does not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals. Before making any decision or taking any action, you should consult a health/medical professional. Do not disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking advice or treatment because of something you have read here.